I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
