I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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