I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
