I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
