Fine. I'll sleep in my office
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
