I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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