why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to make a zoo with you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
