I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
