Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
