There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
