there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
