After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The uberlube is also flammable
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
