Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am one with the molecules
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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