the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
