this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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