Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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