I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
