then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
