I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
