i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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