Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
