I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
