If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
