I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
