if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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