You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
