he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
