It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
