I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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