I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
