You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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