I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
