Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
this hospital has no fireball
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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