dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
