So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i love accidental penises.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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