I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
