I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
