Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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