Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
