what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the day after is always just damage control
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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