is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well you can't waste a boner
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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