I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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