I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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