All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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