"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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