Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
