.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
