you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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