omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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