fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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