Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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