no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
