3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
