***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
