she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
