We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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