I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize