I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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