I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
