he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
