We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
