I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
