I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
