Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
