Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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