I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
