Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
