ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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