So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
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I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize