If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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