ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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