made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
