she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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