i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
