I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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