in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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