you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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