so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
