That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
