Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
