I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
