is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
