Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
how does that bad decision feel?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
